Do you ever cry in public?

Well, I did yesterday. Will knew I was out of sorts, so after I dropped the girls off at school and he had his PT appointment, he asked me out to breakfast at A Tavola. (sidenote: Married women still like to be asked out sometimes – by their husbands at least.) As we inched closer to the topic of my worries and fears, the waterworks started flowing. I couldn’t help it and I didn’t try to stop it, but I did hide behind a napkin. I don’t like that I am embarrassed to cry, but hiding is my first instinct!

How do you feel when you see other people crying in public?

Three years ago, we put our beloved dog, Cash, down in the middle of the night. It was swift and dramatic and devastating. He bloated after a medical procedure and was suffering horribly from a twisted stomach.

With a mere 45 minutes of sleep that night, I cried off and on all day. A good friend offered to take the girls for dinner so that Will and I could have some time. Why we thought it was a good idea to go out to eat I don’t know, but I suppose the freedom seemed too good to pass up and we decided to splurge on a meal at the newly-opened 10 Barrel. Well, I sat on a stool and bawled in the middle of this very crowded restaurant while our waiter cautiously took our order and subsequent instructions from Will. After at least an hour of awkward avoidance, I looked up at the waiter as he visited the table and blubbered, “Sorry, but we had to put our dog down very suddenly last night! Boohoohoohoo.” That poor waiter looked SO relieved! I could just imagine that he was thinking Will asked me for a divorce or told me he was having an affair or something. Once the truth was out there, he offered his condolences and stopped avoiding us. He even added that he had been there himself.

Yesterday, the cafe wasn’t crowded and there was no one waiting on us once we had our food, but I still kind of fantasized about standing up and addressing the handful of patrons with an explanation: “It’s nothing really. No one died. We’re happily married. I’m just being silly. You know, cancer side effects and all.”

2008.07 Diane + Cash at Marriott

Rest in peace, Cashman. I miss you terribly.

– Diane

 

5 replies on “Boo Hoo Hoo

  1. someday when I start my own architecture firm Im going to only hire ladies and call it ‘safe/space’ and have a little meditation room for when a contractor yells at you and pisses you off and you just need to burn some sage and use some makeup remover wipes while you cry and get it all out

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  2. I think when I saw you a few months ago, I told that you that I am a Big Fan of Crying. BFoC. (I love that when pronounced, that comes out as BeeFuck. Cracks me up every time.) When I am with someone and they start tearing up or crying, that is the first thing that comes out of my mouth – that I am a BFoC. I do it for two reasons – most importantly is to put people at ease and to let them know that this is a safe space for them to freely be with and let out their emotions, and two – so that they know that they are not alone in responding to a situation by crying. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND why people are ashamed or embarrassed of crying. I mean..ok..I get it..we all live in society and have been raised with this notion that crying is a sign of weakness. But the reality is that it is such an amazing outlet for our emotions, and can be so cathartic! And don’t WE get to change and renew our own definitions of things that are important in our lives? And once we change those views..no one can take them away from us. I definitely see being able to freely share your emotions, including crying, as a strength. And when you can do it yourself and be comfortable with it, you are able to provide a space for others to do it.

    My other thought is – HOW LUCKY ARE WE that we get to feel such an amazing range of emotions? Isn’t that a HUGE part of what makes us feel alive?! We laugh, we get angry, we get anxious, we feel love, we feel joy, we feel lust….why shouldn’t we allow ourselves to feel the difficult emotions, as well? I am SO thankful to feel such a range of emotions!! THIS is how we experience LIFE!!!

    So..to round back to your original question..do I cry in public? FOC YES!! I cry whenever and wherever I FOCing feel like it!!

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    1. Who cares about crying? Now I’m LAUGHING. FOC, yeah!

      I have learned to go straight through the emotions instead of sidestep them. I guess that’s why I posted this little story in the first place. I am working on that hiding-behind-a-napkin thing. I am also working on holding space for others to cry. I used to be scared and apprehensive when someone else would cry in front of me, but it is a beautiful thing to share and we shouldn’t turn away.

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